Daily Poll/Archive/August 2007
August 28, 2007 - Not Gay Day Appropriate Points, Airport Arrests gay, homosexual, Mitt Romney We are not gay! What? Oh. GOP Senator Larry Craig did not have sex with that man! Nor with any other men in any other bathroom. It's the super-powerful liberal Democrats decidering to: Force him to resign from Mitt Romney's presidential campaign. Force President Bush to hug Karl Rove. Force President Bush to hug Tony Snow. Force President Bush to hug Alberto Gonzales. Attack beautiful Republicans of traditional Christian values. August 27, 2007 - Double 7 Lucky Monday Legal points, Hating frenzy, John Ashcroft, Alberto Gonzales, Michael Chertoff Noooooo! The greatest Attorney General, even superer than John Ashcroft, Alberto Gonzales resigns (not quits, resigns). Fortunately, the Greatest President Ever has an exit plan: Sign Dr. Stephen Colbert's resignation letter. Chertoff's gut will take over as Attorney General and Karl Rove will take over Homeland Security. Chertoff's brain will take over as Attorney General and his gut will remain decider of Homeland Security. Chertoff will take over as Attorney General and Paul Wolfowitz finances Homeland Security. Chertoff will take over as Attorney General and Dick Cheney will award a contract to Halliburton to manage Homeland Security. NATO terrorist tube war Cyberwar points, War on Terror, Cyber Terrorist Panic, tubes, The Internets NATO is claiming that the Estonia cyberwar attack via the Internets is terrorism. NATO is really trying to: Help President Bush defeat the Al Qaeda hackers. Distract from their "peace keeping" failure in Sudan. Find another way to avoid being real men and picking up guns. Take over Microsoft. Get paid to look at Web porn. August 20, 2007 Shouting points, Rush Limbaugh, Oxycontin Pain pill use almost doubled from 1997, showing: More troops are injured than dead. The robust economy under The Greatest President. The War on Drugs is Mission Accomplished. Liberals don't have the balls to take the pain. Most people survived Katrina thanks to Halliburton's superior services. Liberals can't handle the truth. August 19, 2007 Rewriting Points, Golden Iraq PSP. Input provided by General WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer With Karl Rove & Tony Snow soon gone, who can write General David Petraeus' September Assessment Of Iraq? The liberals think the General should. Petraeus's proper roll is to: Focus on ways to invade Iran from Iraq. Help smuggle in Jesus video games for the troops. Debrief Henry Hager. Do interviews on FOX News. Provide Karl & Tony input now so they can finish writing it in time for George & Dick to edit. August 18, 2007 Voting points, Wikipedia democracy, The O'Reilly DailyKos, Poor Tony, Diebold Now Tony Snow is resigning for "financial reasons". America-bashing liberals have, of course, suggested it's so he can pay child support to Jenna Bush. Can't we all just: Edit Wikipedia? Help Bill O'Reilly blame DailyKos? Shoot Iraqis? Die rescuing miners? Support the troops? Buy stock in Diebold (Premier) Election Systems? August 17, 2007 morning sickness Preggy points, Lick Me, Henry Hager, Jenna Bush provided by Senior Analyst WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer God bless America. After a week of mourning and battery licking to forget it, Forbes reports the Greatest Presidential Daughter Ever is engaged. They met: Brainstorming Diebold's new brand names. In Mexico on spring break. At a faith-based rehab program. At a faith-based homosexual & lesbian conversion program. At the abortion clinic Jenna was NOT about to go into. August 15, 2007 Growling Points, bears, Nancy Grace, Iran Oldest polar bear ever and it eats veggie dogs. This proves: Nancy Grace's twins will save humanity. Bears have infiltrated the White House and are forcing resignations. "Global warming" actually helps them live longer. John Edwards is a bear. Vegans are attacking. Bears are in Iran. August 14, 2007 Mourning after points Just a day after Rove announced his resignation, the world is falling apart - we discover Dennis Hastert will be retiring. The real reason, of course, is: Everybody wants a hug from George. They aren't Young Republicans any more. Get all the people who look like Mark Foley out of the Republican party. Get some of Mitt's money. To provide Fred Thompson cabinet staff when he takes over The Surge. August 13, 2007 Mourning points, History, Talk:Karl_Rove Karl Rove resigned today. The greatest president gave him his well deserved hug. Since we can't all hug him, we should: Celebrate at one of the gay liberal hate parties tonight. Lower our flags to half mast until his last day. Blow up an abortion clinic. Shoot Barack Obama. Mourn with Stephen Colbert tonight. August 12, 2007 Poll Talking Points, Church guns, God's State, unicorns, Pledge Allegiance with the assistance of Senior Analyst WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer Atheists are the next terrorists. In Texas, they are trying to stop a minute of school prayer. In Missouri, they are actually using guns to shoot church goers. President Bush-Cheney need to immediately: Cut a deal with them to end praying to the Christian God of one's choice. Add a minute of sodomy after the prayer. Provide whores in churches. Offer on-site abortions. Have Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's friends pay a personal vist. August 11, 2007 Praise Xenu (and the The Lake Effect and WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer), no talking points to read tonight. If you're bored, you can read Mitt Romney. Republican Iowa Poll winner & war supporter Mitt Romney was not a troop, nor are any of his 5 sons troops. Praise? His savior, Joseph Smith. The Bush girls, who need mates and lots of babies. Mitt's favorite book, Battlefield Earth. John Travolta. Freem & Dr. Stephen Colbert for introducing freedom without doing. August 10, 2007 Poll Talking Points, Young Republicans, Iowa, inspiration provided by hot, nubile republicans WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer & The Lake Effect Republicans are fighting hard over a strong poll in Iowa this weekend. Their best strategy would be to: Invite Alberto Gonzales to give a speech on poll law. Beg Fred Thompson to show up and accept them as his VP. Have Giuliani's daughter hold a prayer meeting to ungay Glenn Murphy Jr. Get Giuliani's daughter to invite Barack Obama to the convention. Have Young Republicans throw a vote party for hot, young farm boys. August 9, 2007 - cold! Poll Talking Points, Lyme disease provided by Senior Analyst WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer America's stock market showed remarkable strength, only losing 390 points after learning: French banks surrendered their stock to mortgages & sub-prime loans. Al Gore's jet is using less oil than hoped. President George W. Bush has Lyme disease. Supplies of AmeriCone Dream are higher than expected due the the coldest summer ever. August 8, 2007 - hawt! Poll Talking Points,hawtest ever, Brooklyn tornado, Virgin delivery to the other Stephen, research assistance provided by analysts The Lake Effect & WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBear Summer record temperatures yet again, Mormons skinny dipping in Salt Lake, and a tornado in Brooklyn have obviously been caused by: Global warming. Troops cheering for the tax-paid evangelists' shows led by Stephen Baldwin. Daily virgin deliveries to sodomites in Hollywood. Al Gore manipulating the clouds & Sun with his gas-hog jet. Terrorists attacking Santa in the North Pole. August 7, 2007 Poll Talking Points, FBI tube raid - research funding provided in part by the Tube Foundation US domestic flight delays are the worst in 13 years. This was caused by: FBI agents clogging the tubes at Ted Stevens' wikilobbyist-funded Alaskan flight control center. Democrat Presidential candidates flying to photo ops. Terrorists trying to board planes. Al Qaeda hiding in the luggage. Bill Clinton's restrictions on airline mergers. August 6, 2007 Tube collapse causes poll shutdown. August 5, 2007 - Bible Daily Poll Talking Points, Wall Street Bibleprovided by Senior Analyst WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer Sunday newspapers are now allowing bible inserts (New Testatment only, of course). Future innovations for the Lord should include: Stock quotes for churches. More business news about bible printers. Advice columns filled with abortion advice from Jesus. A comics page filled with Jesus, Rupert Murdoch as Batman, Garfield, and evolution jokes. Economic forecasts replaced with the complete Revelations. August 1, 2007 Poll Talking Points provided by Senior Analyst WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer Michael Savage, well known for his expertise on everything, revealed his discovery that Democrats were behind Chief Justice John Roberts' seizure. Demoncrats are also behind: Ann Coulter's adam's apple and lack of children. Rush Limbaugh's "enthusiasm" for sodomite drugs. Bush's dog Barney's digestive problems. Dick Cheney's sudden outbursts of immoral language.